My first day 12-30-2008

At my daughter Briana's suggestion I decided to start this blog to help me deal with my day to day feelings on trying to deal with this disorder. As of right now I have been fainting for over a year no warning signs I just fall over. I've had a pacemaker put in and I'm on many different meds to raise my blood pressure but so far nothing has helped. I'm going to the Mayo Clinic on Feb 24th and I have such mixed feelings. I definitely want to go to find out if they can help me, but I'm afraid to go because I don't want to hear any bad news. I have twin 23 yr old daughters one is married with a little girl and her husband is in the navy and she is going to be moving back to CT in 2 weeks and I'm going to be lost without her. My other daughter works middles so she isn't home much and with her being single I feel guilty asking her to stay home with me. I have a 10 yr old son who is Autistic and doesn't quiet understand what is going on with Mommy. I have a 5 yr old son who I think worries way to much for his age. He is always looking out for me and worrying if I'm ok. Last but not least is my husband Keith who is trying to work 2 jobs pick up the slack of the house and run the 5 yr old to his school sports and try to keep up with the bills.

I'm not a person that likes to sit around I was always on the go before this disorder took over my life and it sucks! I haven't driven in a year, I can't even run down to the 7-11 at the bottom of the street. Some days I feel like a prisoner in my own home. I would love to just be able to go outside for a walk without having someone be right next to me every second. I know there are people out there that are worse off then me but right now Im still trying to come to terms with losing so much of my independence. Right now I have a fractured nose and ribs from two different falls in 3 days ugh!

Here's hoping tomorrow is a better day. And instead of bitching I'm in a better mood. There are some positives lol honestly I'll get into those tomorrow!